each one for a reason

I feel your kids pick you as parents. I must of needed some major lessons learned and I feel like all my biggies are coming to a head at one time now. Have no idea why they are all determined to come at once, but I will make it through, I have to. For me at least I find that my best teachers are my children. I sometimes think that they teach me far more than I teach them. I'm grateful that I see it because I see so many that don't. Right now with my oldest I'm finding lots of my words coming back at me and him telling me thank you. That feels so good and it is nice to know he was actually listening. lol I have to say though he is my deal with it now kid. lol He is very much a no bs kind of person and reminds me often in his little way. Well, I don't think all of this is coming to a head as he is going to his next phase is just a coincidence. Sooooo wish I listened a little better because maybe this would not be so bad. lol It is funny now that I think about it because he is the reason I got my parents back after all that time. I was a young mom in a HORRIBLE marriage. When I saw my son in danger I got out. I was so strong for him and he never had to experience any abuse because I fought for him. I did this by going back to my parents. I was only 22 and I wanted my son to have a family so I did it for him. At first it was hard and my mom and I did not get along, but after a while I learned how to have a relationship with her. I have to say it filled a need for me too, I had parents. I think that is what is coming to a head now. I cling so hard to anyway I can get them because I'm so afraid of not having them again even if it is dysfunctional.

As I write this I'm also texting my oldest, my teacher. lol He is living with my parents right now actually because he is interning at his grandfather's office. I have told him little stories of my childhood, nothing bad really, but just bit and bobs. Anyway, this morning he told me that my dad on the way to work told him that he is making a horrible decision with his life by going to college in Portland went on and on why it was horrible and belittled everything he told him and then said that he would not help him in anyway to get him there if he needed it. I know it upset Brenden, but instead of going there with him he stood his ground. He admitted to me he is scared to death of this next step in his life, but so excited too. I'm so proud of him for being so strong, my father is VERY intimidating especially when he feels things going out of his control. After some back and forth for a bit he said that he just got back from his grandfather's office where my father apologized and told him that he will be there for him. Wow, he stood his ground and still has his grandfather. Another lesson from my kiddo. lol Funny how that was actually happening while I typed the above.