Picking up the pieces

So yesterday I was empowered and writing away and today I'm a mess. lol When deciding to do this I decided I had to be honest with what I was going through which for me is HUGE and scary. I'm the type that will tell you the details no prob. Yep this and that happened to me, I'm managing and getting through, It's all good. My good friends know that when I say "it's all good" that is code for I'm a mess. lol See this is a side of me I show NO ONE. I've been trying and learning so much in the last few years and have gone through a lot, but my safety net is being there for everyone else. Easy way to put off doing the REALLY hard part of fixing me. lol Even when my good friends see the "It's all good" and call to see I still give them the facts kind of thing. I have this HUGE fear of going beyond that and saying all I'm feeling and all of me. Last time I did that was to my mom and we know how that worked out. So weird how one moment in time can change you. So from here on out I have decided to try and let that wall come down some. Been trying for years, but for the first time I feel it starting to give thus the tears.