A time for me......

Many of my friends have been saying it is your time. Heck even my astrologer friend had it in my birthday chart reading. lol Said it was my time to shine and be heard. I look at things and my life and realize I do everything so others don't have to go through what I did. Heck even doing this without talking to my hubby because I don't want to stress him. I always tell myself I'll tell him on the weekend so that if he can get his sleep and then on the weekend don't because I want him to be able to relax on his time off. Now I know deep down he so would not want this and would hate to think I'm going through this without him, but I keep doing it. In between all this crazy post and falling apart in my room or late at night while the kiddos are asleep I'm playing, cuddling and teaching my kids. Seriously just took a silly face break and listened to the ocean in some sea shells with my four yr old. Actually, I think that is more for me than him. lol He is very much my seize the day kiddo and reminds me that I must of done something right. After all this time of always thinking of others and how to teach them, support and guide them by looking at their needs I don't know how to finally look at mine. I don't know even where to begin really. I do in little ways I guess. I took the baby step of volunteering at the aquarium, but now I'm realizing that was only a baby step because it helped fill a love I have, but did not fix the reason I did not go there before. Kind of bypassed that step and am being forced to deal with it now. lol I have to say taking that first step for me is so beyond scary. The more I think about it the more I realize that helping others does not mean forgetting oneself. I guess with having a mom that just does things for herself makes you fearful of going there, but actually to be healthy you need a balance and I need to start evening out this beam so I can actually be there more so for my kiddos. : ) Ok that is so easy to say, now I must do! lol