Cindy

When I was 20 I lost my best friend to cancer. I actually lost my Grandmother that I was extremely close to in Feb and then lost my best friend to cancer on Nov 1st. Will NEVER forget that day and for some reason I've been feeling her so strongly lately. There are a few songs that when I hear I only think of her and they have been coming at me a lot lately and on Sat they were coming at me in such a weird way. There are three songs I think of her the most with Hotel California, Stairway to Heaven and Skid Rows 18 and Life. The Skid Row song was just a silly one we loved and would blast in our store we worked at when ever it played on the radio. This one always makes me smile when I hear because I think of running back and turning it up and then her and I singing it loud in the store with customers and all. : ) The other two are my serious ones though. They are the ones I think of her and cry with. The day she passed to me was like a twilight zone episode. I will never ever forget my car ride into work. Now at the time I was still really upset with my grandmother's death and with my best friend really sick so all my friends unknown to me had a plan on telling me together when she did pass. However on this day no that knew her was in the store and were not able to get to the store in time to make things ok by the time they found out. Anyway, while I was driving into work I kept seeing her in my backseat and I had this sick feeling. When Cin started getting sick she could not drive because of meds and I drove her to and from work a lot. One time I will never forget because she was very out of it on meds I joked with her and asked where my hat was. She started saying cheerio James because she was always driven. lol Anyway, she really started looking for a hat and started to get upset saying I can't find your hat. I told her don't worry that it is ok. That afternoon when I saw her in the backseat she had on a chauffeurs hat. I just knew and when I walked into the store everyone just looked at me as I walked into the back. Now this day our district manager was there. A different one from when Cin was there and this person did not know her. I was white and felt sick and the district manager just looked at me and said " I guess you know Cindy died". I fainted straight to the ground. That is how I found out. When I came to again my dm told me to take a few hours off, come back at 4 so you can close the store. The only person that was to come in to close with me was the only other employee that knew Cin. I normally would of switched and did something since I was assit manager, but the dm refused to allow me to change a thing. I just told EVERYONE that if Jen got there before me to NOT tell her anything that I would because I did not want her to hear like I did. We listened to a classic rock station in the store, always had. That night Jen came in and saw I looked a mess, but did not know why. When everyone left and we had no customers I sat her down and told her and the radio started to play Stairway to Heaven. We cried and cried off and on all night. I swear they played that song like three times that night. One time it played and Jen and I both just sat on the floor and cried and we had a customer ask if we were ok. She was the only one that did that whole night and I swear she cleared out the store for us. lol The other song is Hotel California because the last big thing we did before she got really sick was go to a Don Henley concert. The concert was full of older people that just sat there and did nothing, but Cin and I enjoyed ourselves. Dirty Laundry came on and we stood up and danced and Hotel California played and we swayed back and forth with our lighters in the air. We just had fun and did not care. No one else stood, but oh well. lol I always think of us embraced swaying back and forth whenever I hear that song. I LOVE that song. Cin was my best friend that we shared disfunction and getting through. We had this dream of just taking off and living on an island selling shell necklaces to tourist without any care in the world. lol Well, I usually go through periods of thinking about her at least once a yr, usually around Nov 1st. This time it started Fri night. I was on fb and someone posted some psyc thing about Stairway to Heaven. It was this deep indepth thing on it and I swear every word I read went in one ear and out the other and all I can think was to me it just makes me think of my best friend. Then on Sat we went to Tin Lizzies and my friend told me this song creeps me out. I had to stop and listen to what the song was because I did not even know yet and it was Hotel California. I said I love this song and she went on to explain why it creeped her out and how that it is about they are trapped and can never leave and in my head I just kept thinking I just love it because I think of Cin. Then I get home and chill with my hubby and he stops on the movie "the song that stays the same" by Led Zeppelin. I had never saw this before so when they play Stairway to Heaven I just say WTH and explain. lol I just told him what was strange is this time they are all coming to me with some psyc meaning and explaining and all I think no it is just Cin. Still have no clue. lol Other than nope just Cin. <3